Today we have an email from a guy who just got dumped, and he says he thought everything was fine in their relationship, and he is asking advice on what to do next. 

So in a second I am going to go through his email and see if we can give him some clarity and understanding of what happened.

Before I jump in though, if you have recently been dumped or are struggling with a breakup, I have put together a FREE checklist for you called 5 Steps To Get Your Ex Back, Or Someone Better.

Breakups make you feel horrible and confused. You’re not sure what to do. Asking friends and family for help, getting different advice, really struggling emotionally.

So to help you, I created this free guide that gets you on the right track with 5 effective steps. It will give you clarity and direction during this painful time. Click the link at the bottom of this post to get that free guide directly sent to you.

Let’s get into his email

 (note that anything in Italics is the emailer and anything in bold is my response/thoughts)

E-mail

Hi Coach, 

I’m reaching out because I feel pretty confused right now.

 I’m 28 years old and live in a smaller city in the Pacific Northwest. My girlfriend just broke up with me, and I really have no idea why. We were together for just over a year and a half, and everything seemed fine.

Well to you it seemed fine. This is where guys run into problems because they get into a comfort zone and everything feels routine and going along smoothly.

They become a bit lackadaisical in paying attention to their girlfriend or wife’s attraction for them and if it may be lowering because of less attractive behavior the guy has been doing, oftentimes not knowing they are doing so.

We had a few minor disagreements recently, but nothing serious that I thought would lead to her breaking up with me.  

A couple of weeks ago, we had a small argument about me being busy with work. I was doing a bit of extra work on the weekend at home (I am a financial analyst for a bank) and she was trying to tell me about a plan that she had with her sister for that day.

I brushed her off and said “not right now, I have to finish this” (thinking back, my tone may have sounded annoyed), and she apologized and said “it’s okay I know you’re working”. 

Anyway, she went out with her sister and came back later that evening and seemed to be in a good mood so I thought it was all good.

So here again, it’s probably not REALLY about these specific disagreements. There is probably a pattern of behavior that must have been lowering her attraction for you, and her frustration comes out during these disagreements.

You said it was a small disagreement, I wouldn’t just mark them as insignificant as if it is only about the disagreements themselves.

You can’t just brush her off rudely like that, it’s going to cause you a bunch of problems. If there has been similar behavior on your end over a period of time leading up to this, this would play a role in how she was feeling about you overall.

In that scenario, and this is good advice for all you guys watching, I know you may be busy with something but communicate that lovingly, not in a frustrated manner.

You can say “babe, I really want to hear all about what you and your sister are going to do. I just have to finish this (whatever) and you can tell me”. 

And yeah maybe your girlfriend is going to tell you the dumbest story in the world and you really don’t care about it, but it is such a subtle difference in communication and it will do you wonders in the long run if you make her feel heard.

Then, just last Friday, we went to her favorite restaurant and had a nice dinner. I thought it was a great evening. But then a few days later, out of nowhere, she said she wanted to break up.

She said didn’t feel like we were right for each other anymore. It’s so hard to understand because nothing really changed between us. I thought we were happy.

I’m not sure how to process it. I’m really confused and don’t know how to move forward. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

Well my first piece of advice is to click the link in the description and immediately download the FREE 5 Steps To Get My Ex Back guide.

But, you’re saying she broke up with you out of nowhere and you don’t think anything really changed between you but obviously there was some behavior that you did which lowered her attraction.

There was the minor argument, as you put it, when she wanted to well you what she was doing with her sister, but if things like that were happening often over a long period of time, that could have played a big role.

She would start to feel like she wasn’t being heard by you, essentially communicating that she wasn’t a top priority. 

You also said you went out a few days before she broke up with you. Other than her favorite restaurant, were you going out and doing different little date nights to keep the romance along.

Most guys stop doing this, get complacent, and even though the guy thinks everything is fine, it really starts to impact the relationship.

It’s often an easy fix for guys if they are paying attention to their girls attraction level. Just take some time and surprise her. Do little things for her, take her out on dates. 

In your case though, I assume you told her you don't want to break up. But you need to think about the things I said above and reflect back to see if you were complacent or had other moments where you may have unintendedly made her feel unheard. 

Those are the things you need to clean up. Don’t go pleading to her or begging for a second chance, but clean up what I said above and if she does come back/rethink the breakup you can immediately show you got some sense knocked into you and act in a way to raise her attraction.