Today’s coaching email relates to a guy who has an ex girlfriend who was being hot and cold with him, and 

although her behavior is pretty turbulent he still misses her and is wondering if she will come back.

Lets get into the email now

(note that anything in Italics is the emailer and my response/thoughts are in bold)

Email

hey coach

I had a girl and we were together for 8 months, she was a virgin when we met and long story short towards the end i was needy and approval seeking and she broke it off. 

Right so this is a great example for you guys, and he seems well aware of this now, but being needy and putting her up on the pedestal, essentially seeking her approval just caused her attraction to drop during those 8 months to the point where she broke up with him.

Then after a month i called her up and we got back together for an extra month. That whole month she was very hot and cold some days she tells me i was the love of her life and showing me 9-10 range level interest and others she wouldn't want to see me. of course i was always available and chasing too which didn't help. 

Guys, you shouldn’t be calling a girl up to try and get back with her after she broke up with you. It is still seeking approval and testing the waters to say hey “ can I come back please now?”. 

A woman clearly communicates that she doesn’t value your time or presence when she breaks up with you, so you have to respect yourself and not go knocking on the door to see if she will take you back.

You need to tell her you don’t agree with the breakup and go into no contact to focus on you.

Another thing here he said his neediness and always being available continued during this month when they saw each other again, so the same result was going to happen.

His behavior wasn’t different, and yeah she still has feelings for you obviously because she was showing those high interest periods during this month, but at the same time because your behavior was the same, those feelings were fighting with her feelings of lowered attraction towards you because of the weak and needy displays you were giving off.  

By the end of the month she broke up and i told her call me if you change your mind and she would call me 2 days later but in the call tell me that she wasn't sure so i told her to contact me when she is sure. so she contacted me 10 days later, I didn't answer the call since i was working so she blocked me. 

I mean, come on, blocking you because you didn’t answer is a little bit of unhinged behavior. 

It’s a good example though of why guys should be a bit mysterious and not be at her beckon call when you first start dating, because you were so needy and ultra available during your time together she probably automatically assumed that you not picking up the phone was because you were ignoring her on purpose and it set her off and made her mad.

I didn't go chasing after she blocked me on whatsapp and didn't even ask her why she did it, 2 weeks later she replies to my stories and I did what's in 7 principles to get an ex back by Corey Wayne and we hang out and hookup. 

She give me a letter that day that says basically that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her and how I was just a dream and dreams have to end and some dumb shit like that. I didn't react when I read it after she left and didn't call or text. 

So it sounds like her behavior is very inconsistent and all over the place. Maybe because she was a virgin when she met you and now she has this connection to you after you have slept together.

But her behavior is extremely hot and cold, all over the place. Seems to be unstable and these are the red flags to watch out for. 

Although it is work having a girlfriend, you don’t want it to be where your peace is completely demolished with behavior like this. Your life should be basically drama free. 

5 days later she called and told me that she showed up in my mma gym (her friend works there) and didn't see me. (that was the only day i didn't go lol). 

So I told her to come over and she said it's best that we don't see each other so I told her to give me a call if she changed her mind. 

Minutes later she replied to my story asking me about a girl that was modeling for my business because i knew her personally and she knew that this girl liked me, after i answered she removed me from all social media. 

Yeah this girl is all over the place and clearly there is a high degree of insecurity and lack of maturity going on. You were like at the end of a yo-yo she is tossing in all directions and doing tricks with these emotional quick changes. 

I'm not giving her any reaction, it's been 2 weeks and it's been 6 weeks since the initial breakup. 

I'm living my purpose, training and working hard everyday. I feel like i'm doing everything right and im also talking to other women. but i still think about her everyday, do you think she's coming back? 

I think that her hooking up and being very loving on our date and her reaching out 4 times means that her interest is definitely still high enough. what do you think.

Do I think she will come back? She might, who knows. Honestly the way she has been hot and cold, yeah she will probably unblock you and message again at some point.

She seems pretty erratic and a bit out there, which also means she might be a bit crazier and better in bed and that is why you miss her.

But I would continue to date other women like you said you are, focus on your business and training. All that stuff is amazing.

If she reaches out you can decide what you want to do but I would be cautious because she seems to be quite insecure and her behavior is unpredictable so, maybe see her on a friends with benefits or at least not for anything serious.

If you continue dating other women there is a high percentage chance you come across somebody even better, and you will forget about her and hope she keeps you blocked forever. 

You’re doing everything else right and seem to understand where you went wrong with the neediness and availability, if you clean that up with these new women you are dating you are in for a world of success and choice when their attraction level for you is growing.