Today’s advice relates to the very bad habit of seeking validation from women, which is something I unknowingly did when I was younger. 

So a lot of the time when describing validation seeking from women, we are talking about guys who get a date with a hot girl and just get completely blinded with shiny object syndrome.

Guys will just KEEEEEP complimenting the girl about her looks and how hot she is, how pretty she looks, how nice her eyes are. That is all well and good when you start to pour it on it starts to seem like you’re trying to buy her attraction by giving compliments. 

Aside from complimenting their date on looks non-stop, they begin trying to impress women by telling them about how great they are, how great a job they have, the money they have, the cars they have, and a lot of superficial attributes. This works really well to bring in that materialistic gold digging girl, so if that is what you want, keep on doing it.

However, for those of us that want a good quality character woman, all the actions above communicate that you think they are perfect, you’re not worthy of them and they are so high up in the sky on a pedestal, and you’re dying to prove to her that yes please oh goddess let me just get your stamp of approval so I can even set foot on the same level as you. 

It basically announces, on a giant big billboard, that you are a mess when it comes to being strong and trusting in your own core masculinity. It makes you seem weak, and screams to her that without all these material items or your job, you have nothing else deep down.

Bottom line: it screams lack of confidence and insecurity in yourself. 

I know it’s also not intentional a lot of times, that is how my experience was growing up.

When I was younger, I didn’t actually ever do this type of boasting about materialistic things, it is just not in my personality to brag about things like that, however the big mistake I was doing was getting dates with girls I was really attracted to and unknowingly acted guys in tv shows. 

Immediately I would be up in my head like “oh wow she really wants to go out with me, I am so lucky, I really hope she likes me”, and like “I hope she chooses me to be with”. 

MY big mistake would just be overly accommodating. I would do things like instead of showing confidence and picking something cool for a first date, or second date, I would be (you guessed it) seeking approval that what I suggested was okay. So it would be like “hey we can do this this this, what sounds good to you, are you sure, pick one" or “what do you want to do”, “i am okay with whatever you choose ". It would come off as very doting.

Essentially, I was passing the masculine energy and role over to her to make decisions, which would come off as very weak and looking for her approval. 

I worked a retail job while I was studying in college and a very good looking girl I worked with really liked me, and we got along really well. Before we even started dating, we used to chat and joke around a lot at work and she would tell me about a really close guy friend who would annoy her sometimes because he would always basically defer to her for everything. If they were gonna hang out he would just agree to everything, even change his mind on things, and she literally said the words to me “It’s so annoying, he always changes his mind or defers to me and I just want him to make a decision”.

It honestly went right over my head, I was completely clueless. In my head, I was thinking oh interesting, and I had seen him before so I knew I was better looking so I just figured she wouldn’t think the same of me because I was “cooler”.

You really don’t know what you don’t know. She came out and gave me the blueprint, and I just was too in my own conditioned by the shows on TV and in my own world to understand.  

When you learn these tips and the psychology of masculine and feminine energy, you can look back at all your past dating experiences and easily break down where you went wrong. It is very empowering, to be honest, because almost all guys truly don’t take the time to understand. 

Do This Instead

So instead of seeking validation:

Bottom line, confidence is key. This is first and foremost the most attractive thing in a guy that will draw a girl's attention. It isn’t bragging about possessions, or drooling over the girl telling her how perfect she is,  it is the guy’s confidence to be himself unapologetically combined with a bit of mystery that will continue to make you alluring in her eyes. 

Don’t change your opinion or mind if she says something that challenges you on a topic, just because you think agreeing with her will make you like her. Don’t think that you have to prove your worthiness to her; she is also on probation with you during the initial dating stage and just because she is really good looking doesn’t mean she has every other aspect of her life in order, including personality. 

 At the end of the day, you have to put yourself out there as YOU with the confident attitude that she can accept you or reject you, and that you are not concerned at all if she does either way.

 This indifference via confidence remember, not arrogance. It is not supposed to be that you don’t care or tell her “I don’t care if you like me”, and I don’t want this advice to be misconstrued in that way, you have to use your brain. But at the end of the day if you have an abundance mindset you know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if you know your worthiness and act the part, her attraction to you will grow because she will sense that confidence in you as well.

 If you’re not coming off as insecure and needy, and seeking her validation, it will help grow attraction for you. . 

Conclusion

 Remember, at the end of the day you are looking for someone who is worth your time as well. It should go both ways.

You should introspect and do a complete mindset shift if you think you are supposed to prove yourself to a girl and continue to put women up on pedestals in the hopes that you find the one that allows you to be in their presence more.

If that is how you attraction works, that thought process needs to be changed and you have to take the time to understand why it doesn’t work. My guess for most of you watching this is that you have  or are having an experience where even if you get a girl you’re attracted to out on a few dates, you start to experience her either losing interest VERY quickly or just starts to pull back on communicating.

These were the types of scenarios I would come across often and for a long time I was too stubborn to ever think I could be doing something incorrect.

 I am not religious at all but learning from Jim Rohn, he loved saying the bible phrase “you reap what you sow”, and in this case it was true. Same actions over and over, getting the same harvest. 

 When you allow yourself to have humility and look for the knowledge, it is amazing the change in your life if you apply it. This is in both your confidence and mindset, moving from scarcity and being fearful of not finding anybody, to an abundance mindset and understanding how to get a girls attraction to grow rather than dwindle away.