Today I am talking about the use of No Contact after being dumped by your girlfriend. I have been getting some questions lately from guys about how they know if no contact is working on their ex,

and I wanted to make this video to share with you and help you get in the proper mindset and illustrate how harmful the way these other guys have been approaching it is.

Mentality

One of the issues I have come across recently, multiple times actually with my coaching clients, is that after they have been dumped by their girlfriend they started to implement their own version of No Contact 

They started using it sporadically, almost as a way to mess with their ex. They have allowed themselves to get into this, revenge-like mentality.

And everything they are doing is actually just going to be really destructive to THEMSELVES long term but they can’t see the forest through the trees.

They are laser focused on trying to make their ex miss them by attempting to tantalize them with periodic no contact.

Example

In particular, one guy agreed and stayed friends with his ex after she broke up with him. So I think over the course of the first two months after the break-up, he was still pretty active in terms of communicating with her and hanging out regularly in a platonic way. 

Then in starting in like month three, he began to purposely ghost her for maybe 3 or 4 days at a time. 

She would text him, …………then double-text him because he had disappeared. He would then pop back on the radar and respond after those few days, like nothing happened.

Incorrect Perception

To him, and I know this because he told me so, he thought he was doing his own version of No Contact and it was WORKING because she was showing interest in him. 

And he thought that this was her version of caring because he would wait for that double, or sometimes triple text. She was “chasing” him in his mind.

I told him that, and I mean he needed brutal honesty, that this was actually an incredibly deluded way to look at the situation. And self-absorbed really. 

I said the reality of the situation is that she is probably thinking worse of you, and that you’ve gone a bit crazy.

I told him you’re wasting your time playing some game for a purpose I wasn’t really clear about. 

Now I am not saying he OWED her that consistent contact. But you have to look at it from her perspective too. He agreed to be friends with her and played that role for a bit, then started to go awol and be completely unreliable.

That is not going to make her think any better of him or miss him. 

She is probably going to be turned off by this unreliable behavior, even as a friend, start dating somebody else, and the guy will be left scratching his head or even angry.

Basically, he just wasted his time and made himself look dumb. 

The Right Approach

But If you’re currently going through a break-up

And again, to help you out there is a FREE guide I made for you to get through it. Just click on the link in the Description. 

But if you just got dumped and want to employ No Contact, you have to understand that it isn’t a strategy to mess with her, or trick her back to you, or game her in any way.  

You are using No Contact for YOU.

Your ex no longer wants your presence, doesn’t value it, so you need to approach No Contact as out of sight out of mind and turn the mindset onto improving YOU. 

You have to put her out of your mind completely, to the mindset that she is gone forever and you’re never going to hear from or see her again. 

You may not like heading this, but you need to hear this. Focus.. On YOU.

You can’t control her, You can control you…